In summer 2013, I started feeling a burning pain in my elbows and hands. The doctors misdiagnosed it as tendinitis. Neither surgery nor regular treatment relieved my symptoms and over the course of one year, it got even worse.
Later, we found out that I’ve been suffering from aftereffects of a whiplash that happened to me at the age of 13. I was involved in a horse-riding accident that twisted my spine. Several disks, especially in my neck and pelvis, were broken and therefore caused nerve pains and muscular tenderness. I sensed the pain in my hands since they are the last limb in the reach of the nerves.
Every day, I was in pain whether I was typing on my phone, holding a book, locking my door with a key, changing clothes, doing computer work, etc. Obviously, I couldn’t do any kind of cleaning, lifting or even writing for more than 20 minutes. On top of that, I also dealt with headaches every evening, constant fatigue, digestive issues (little did I know at that time that I also suffered from severe candida overgrowth and leaky gut syndrome due to previous medications).
Like other people with chronic pain and illnesses, I felt completely alone. No one really understood what I was going through since there weren’t any obvious signs on my body to be seen from the outside. Mentally, I was devastated most of the time.
Now that you know the back story, let me exemplify what I learnt during this time in hope to encourage you on your journey:
1. It’s okay to take help.I had no other choice but to let other people support me. I learnt that it’s okay to ask someone for help and to take a hand when offered.
2. I’m worthy for being, not doing. Before my chronic pain, I said yes to a lot of responsibilities and served regularly at church. I soon realized that this wasn’t possible anymore and I had to release a lot of duties. Besides that, I wasn’t able to help my friends moving to a new house, do the decoration for a party or whatever. Feeling useless was one of the hardest things for me. But God taught me that my self-worth didn’t lie in what I was doing but in who I am. He revealed to me that he wants my heart in the first place and not my deeds.
3. Endurance.During that time, I learned to keep going even though things were rough. I went to University every day and even worked part-time. This strengthened my willpower and perseverance.
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance. Romans 5:3
4. Compassion for others. Today, I’m much more patient with other people, especially people in public who seem frustrated, make mean comments or things like that. I always remind myself that I have no idea what their life looks like or the emotional and physical difficulties they’re dealing with at the moment.
5. Trial and error.Getting active in search of a solution was crucial. Seeing over 20 doctors during those 5 years and trying different treatments was draining. Nevertheless, this process gave me the confidence that finding a solution is possible when you refuse to give up.
6. Idolizing a life without pain doesn’t help.Yes, I fell into this trap. I always thought that my life would be perfect when the pain is gone. And yes, a life without constant physical pain is much more pleasant. But it doesn’t protect me from further challenges and harm. Being uncomfortable and going through trials is a part of life.
7. Sickness is not from God.He doesn’t want us to suffer from physical or emotional pain due to sickness or illness. His plans for us are good!!
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
8. God has gotten me through it all.This part is huge. I can’t stress enough how big of a part God played during this difficult time. Even though some doctors didn’t see a cure for what I was dealing with, God encouraged me to keep going. He reminded me that there’s light at the end of the tunnel and it won’t always be like this. I’d like to tell you that I always fully trusted God and did nothing else but praise him all day long. But to be real with you: Many times, I didn’t see the light and I couldn’t understand why I had to deal with those difficulties. What helped me was seeing life as a series of seasons that come and go:
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens. Ecclesiastes 3:1
Today, I can say that I’m healed. What eventually lead to my cure was years of visiting a chiropractor. I still visit him once in a while but I’m feeling better than ever. My daily headache is completely gone. I don’t take ANY medication and I can write for a few hours on my computer without any pain in my hands. I only experience light symptoms when I overdo it on my computer, or when I do some kind of repetitive work.
If you’re going through something similar at the moment: I hear you, I see you. I know how easy it is during such a time to stop trusting God, to stop believing that he loves you and that his plans for you are good. But please let me tell you this: He suffers with you! You are not alone in this! Trust him to lead you out of your situation and spend time with him daily.
If you’re struggling right now and need prayer or encouragement, feel free to contact me. Just click on “contact” on top of the page or write me a direct message on Instagram @mylampblog.
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