Recently, on a Sunday morning, I was walking around the town where I studied Theology. It was unusually quiet as the city was still asleep. Winding my way through the historic neighborhoods I came across a place I knew too well. I paused to look at the old wooden door that would lead to the theological faculty. Even though I didn’t miss my studies, standing there brought a smile to my face as I remembered my first week at the university, more than 6 years ago.
Back then, it was my heart’s desire to study Theology. I knew that it was exactly where God wanted me to be. But unfortunately, I couldn’t enjoy my studies that much. My heart was full of fear and my body was in constant pain.
At that time, I was battling chronic pain in my hands. Whether I was typing on my phone, holding a book, locking my door with a key, changing clothes or working on my computer, my body hurt. On top of that, I also dealt with headaches every evening, constant fatigue, and digestive issues. I wondered how I’d survive lectures where I’d be supposed to take notes for one and a half hours straight. How should I study for my exams and read papers while my body hurt so badly?
This was not my only fear. I battled a mild form of social anxiety during that time. On top of that, I was haunted by the feeling that something bad might happen at any time: Someone close to me could die, another bad diagnosis, etc. When someone called me, I expected the worst. I lived in constant fear of bad news. Anxiety and worry filled my mind every day.
Today, I don’t even know if I should laugh about my past fears or just praise God for delivering me.
I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4
On that recent Sunday morning, all those thoughts I had when I started studying surfaced my conscience. And I realized that none of my fears and worries became true. Did you hear?
NONE of all the worries and anxious thoughts that circled my mind back then became reality.
Looking back, I see how everything unfolded so naturally. It seemed like God always had his master plan in mind. He knew what he was doing, and he most certainly didn’t disappoint me.
Those difficult years pruned me. God saw my pain as well as my challenges and he delivered me from my fears. I can’t even believe how much time I wasted worrying and giving into anxiety, while I could have just trusted God to come through.
Today I am free of social anxiety. I am healed from chronic pain. I have the most amazing husband, a happy marriage, and soon two beautiful little daughters.
God led me from doubt to faith, from fear to confidence, from pain to healing, and from darkness to light.
That period of 6 years was a very difficult time for me. But God led me out of it, step by step. He helped me to break free from what was holding me back.
Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him. Psalm 34:8
I didn’t understand the process back then, but standing in the same place, 6 years later, I realized how God delivered me. And I can’t stop praising and thanking him for his goodness.
With this personal story, I want to encourage you not to give into fear or hopelessness. Don’t expect the worst to happen while good things are coming. Trust God to lead you out of your current struggles and obey him with whatever he puts on your heart to do.
Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act. Psalm 37:5
Read more
15 Bible verses to calm fear and anxiety
How God told me which major to choose in college
8 things that 5 years of chronic pain taught me
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6 replies on “How God changed me”
God bless you, Madeleine.
I bet you my walk with God would have been easier years back if I answered the call and He had to push me to the wall until I said yes, Everything started changing. I am currently going through a process of self-discipline and movements of intimacy with the Lord. My old me has gone and behold he has made me new.
I always lie reading from you.
Thanks for your words. I’m so happy to read about how God has made you new. He will finish what he started in you.
This is so powerful and encouraging, my friend! I remember all the time I wasted in anxiety and worry, too, and am so grateful for God’s faithfulness during those times. Also, loved this sentence: “Don’t expect the worst to happen while good things are coming.” AMEN! Thank you for sharing your testimony!
Thank you. 😊💕
Thank you my friend Madeline for your writing and reminding me How God changed my Life. Continue to write His Word🔥
Thank you so much.