Should you break up with him?

I want to address a topic that a lot of you ask me for advice about. How do you know if you should break things up with your boyfriend? And how do you know if he’s the one or not? Is it God’s will that you should work through those problems or should you walk away from that relationship? I’m going to share some signs and behaviors that give you some insight if it’s time to break up and what you should look for in a godly man. 

I want to give you 3 points that shed some light on that kind of situation: 

1. Don’t get unequally yoked

Paul states very clear in 2. Corinthians 6:14 who you shouldn’t be looking for:

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

Paul makes it plain that you shouldn’t get in a relationship with someone who doesn’t believe in Christ. Why? There are countless reasons: You have different worldviews, different standards, different lifestyles, spend your finances differently, etc. And what if you’re going to have kids? How will you raise them? If you get married to someone who isn’t a believer in Christ, you will regret it later on for the rest of your life, trust me. 

Sometimes I hear people say “But what if he changes. When he sees my faith, he will convert.” To be honest with you, this is dreaming. It most likely won’t happen. The stakes are too high for you to take that risk. Remember that you will spend your whole life with this person, not being able to share that one thing that means the most to you (Jesus Christ). 

2. He should be a believer with fruits

Not every man who says he is a Christian, has a changed heart. Jesus tells us that we recognize people by their fruits:

By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Matthew 7:16

What does that mean? Look at his deeds and motives. What is he doing and why? Does he serve at church, is he loving and kind? What motives does he have? Does he want to get rich quickly to buy all those nice things or is God’s kingdom the first thing on his mind? How does he spend his time? Does he spend time with God, reading the Bible and seeking his will? Talk to him and try to figure out what moves him. Look if he has his life together. 

In his letter to the Galatians, Paul gives us a list of ungodly behaviors (the bad fruits): 

The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. Galatians 5:19-21

And then, Paul describes the fruits of the Spirit: 

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23

Observe and analyze him. Discern which category he fits in.

3. Talk to God

If you gained nothing out of this blog post so far, just get this last point right and you have everything you need to know about godly relationships. The first and foremost thing you need to have for your relationship to work out is an intimate, close relationship to God.

Nothing is more aspiring when it comes to forming a great relationship. It is the foundation of everything else. I’m not talking about reading your Bible once in a while and attending church on Sundays. I’m talking about seeking God intentionally every single day. You form a deep relationship by opening up and letting God shape you into the image of who he is. 

Get serious about your walk with the Lord and lay down your life in his hands. The closer you are to God, the more you know whom to be in a relationship with. 

When you seek God’s heart above all else, you can’t miss the man he has for you. I promise you: When you’re so focused on pursuing God, he will surprise you with a man who fits amazingly to you at his right timing. 

A few true words at last…

Many times, you know deep down inside if he’s the one or not. But you just don’t want to face the hard truth of a broken relationship and being single again. You don’t want to make the tough call in fear of making a mistake and that you won’t get another shot at a good man. You don’t feel worthy enough.

There’s another reason that’s behind not wanting to break up: You don’t really trust God to provide you with someone better. You don’t truly believe that God can bring you someone who fits perfectly. 

Fear of leaving, fear of being alone, fear of the unknown, fear of making mistakes, fear of not being good enough and the fear that somebody better won’t come, will keep you from forming a godly relationship. 

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.2. Timothy 1:7

Besides your decision for Christ, whom you marry is probably the second biggest decision you’re going to make in life.  

Read more:

How to be single

What marriage is teaching me

8 pratical tips to hear God’s voice

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