Do you recognize the following scene in your life: While single, you are miserable and desperately long to be with someone. You look around and see many happy couples and you get more and more frustrated. And then it happens; you are in a relationship! The first few weeks are amazing and you are filled with love and joy. After the rosetinted lenses fade away, you grow increasingly unhappy, complaining about so many things that you don’t like about your partner anymore and it seems like he or she is not the one for you.
So you finish the relationship and start all over with the single life. After a few days, you feel unhappy again and are already keeping your eyes open for another person because you don’t want to be alone. It is a vicious circle.
I think so many people have been in this cycle. Most of the time you don’t enjoy your situation. There are only those few great moments when you are newly in love. Is this the good life God intended for you to have? Remember; he wants you to live life to the fullest and with joy. He wants you to live a good life:
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29,11
Before I became Christian, I was convinced that I needed a boyfriend to be happy, fulfilled and never ever feel alone again. So I dated different guys. Most of the time I was brokenhearted or wished to have someone to share my life with. After I gave my life to Jesus, I made the decision to wait for the guy I was going to marry and not waste my time with meaningless relationships.
While experiencing and observing my environment, I watched so many people in trouble, hurt, stress and sadness because they just could not be alone. So they wandered from one relationship to another.
I was single for four years and it was the best thing I could do! Really!! It was so worth it!! Was it easy? Of course not! But I knew it was the best thing I could do for myself and my relationship to come. In those years I worked hard on my relationship with God and on myself. I knew one day I would meet my future husband and until then I enjoyed every moment I had with God and myself alone.
And when the man came, I was more developed, more confident in the Lord and steadfast in his love than ever before.
Through that time, the Lord showed me a lot about relationships. I realized that a man could never ever fully satisfy or fulfill me. The things that must be set right first were my relationship with God and my relationship with myself. Only when I am healthy on the inside and more aligned with Jesus will I be able to really enjoy a relationship.
How can you prepare yourself for a meaningful relationship? The following tips are things that I did that helped me a lot through my years of waiting:
- Pray! Pray your heart out and read the Bible! This is always the best thing to do. Seek the Lord, get to know him better and let him fill you up with his love and vision for your life. Seek him every day and listen to him. Wait for his guidance with every potential partner you met. He will lead you! Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life. Psalm 143, 8
- Work on yourself. Get to know yourself better. Develop your strengths and work on your character weaknesses. What do you believe is God’s calling for your life? Follow his call and prepare for the things he wants to do in your life.
- Have fun. Enjoy your life as a single person. What do I mean by that? Go travel the world, meet with friends, enjoy your hobbies, get education you like, etc. You will probably never have as much freedom and as few commitments in your life again.
- Make up your mind about what you are looking for in a spouse. Think about attributes you like in a potential partner. Is it important to you to have a similar vision or the same hobbies? Should your future spouse be a family guy? Pray for those things. Really take the time to go into yourself and question your heart: What do YOU want? I implemented this and God gave me my dream man! For real!! I prayed for a man with a similar vision, with Jesus in his heart, etc. I even prayed that he would be about 10cm taller than me, sporty and he should study theology. Haha! And you know what? God provided! My husband has these things and much more of what I prayed and hoped for. Nothing is too small for our God to give to us. Now I am grateful for every single day I waited to meet this man. But don’t only pray for what you want. Also pray for God to change you to become the right fit for your partner as well.
So, use your time as a single well. God will bring you a great spouse at the right time! ☺
Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37, 4